Making a Mess with a Minidigger

The photo above is a fake. Graham and Eleanor thought it would be funny to make it look like the Clerk of Works and I were at the controls of the machine, or perhaps Graham intended to blame us for the poor quality of his own work. Either way, the idea is ridiculous as neither of us could reach any of the controls and the Clerk of Works’ hand-eye co-ordination is frankly rubbish. When I pointed this out Graham requested that I “lighten up,” but I think it is important to expose this fraud for what it is before moving on to the intended post. The engine wasn’t even running.

Anyway…

A man came from a local building firm the other day with a strange looking machine on a trailer. He then left again but left the machine – which I’m told is called a minidigger – behind. This intrigued me, and I kept a close eye to see what was going on. It turns out Graham was doing what is known as a “cop-out”. He had been digging over hedge lines by hand late last year, but when that looked like taking too long he hired this minidigger to help.

I have to say I was impressed by how much he got done in the week before the man came back with the trailer and took the machine away again, even though the quality of the work looks rather shoddy. Graham explained that this is because the machine is stronger than he is. He then started explaining the physics of this using words like “levers” and “hydraulics” and “internal combustion engine”, at which point I lost interest and wandered off to find a badger to pick a fight with.

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Sorry for the pause there. Graham was looking over my shoulder, and chipped in that in fact I wandered off “to find a badger with which to pick a fight”. Well, that is the kind of interruption up with which I shall not put (I know I know, that joke’s been done – they don’t pay me for originality) and my response was suitably brusque. He should learn never to startle a busy bear. Graham then responded from behind a large rock that originality is exactly what they pay me for, to which I responded that they don’t pay me, to which Graham responded what does a North American black bear need money for anyway, to which I responded mind your own business.

I think I’m getting a bit off subject. Where was I? Oh yes, Graham trashing – I mean cultivating – the croft with a minidigger. He finished digging over the hedge lines, did a few other bits and bobs and made enough “lazy beds” for this year’s blueberry planting. And then – hang on, did I type that right? Yes I did.

The blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming the blueberries are coming!

When?